BREAKING: Glacier Lives!

In my possession, I hold a copy of the 2010 supernatural thriller, River of Darkness.  The official press release for the film gives the following synopsis:

When unspeakable evil falls on a quiet river town, Sheriff Logan is thrust into a chilling nightmare of death and mayhem.  Confronted by a series of horrific murders, each more brutal than the last, he soon learns the community’s seedy past has spawned a vile evil … one that has risen from purgatory to exact revenge.  Under relentless assault by the spirits of two old river squatters, the Jacobs Boys, the town explodes into a battlefield of zombies and blazing guns.  It’s up to Sheriff Logan to unravel the shocking mystery and condemn “The Boys” back to the bowels of hell. In this all-out, heavyweight beat-down, only one man will remain standing.

Sure, this might sound like your average certain-to-be-awful B-movie gore-fest, but wrestling fans should be interested in it for a few reason.

  1. Sheriff Logan, the film’s primary protagonist, is played by your Olympic Hero, Kurt Angle
  2. The Jacoby Boys, who provide the main opposition for Kurt Angle, are portrayed by Kevin Nash and Psycho Sid Vicious.
  3. There’s a chance a zombie could be put in an ankle lock.
  4. One of the residents of the quiet river town is played by Ray Lloyd, known to WCW Saturday Night enthusiasts everywhere as Glacier.

Oh my.  Not only does this movie feature Kurt Angle and Kevin Nash (famously Super Shredder in The Secret of the Ooze),  but it has Psycho Sid and Glacier!  Sid, remembered mostly for pooping his pants during a match against the Undertaker at WrestleMania 12 snapping his leg in a horrific in-ring accident, will finally have a chance to show his acting chops.  And of course, we can’t forget the former tag team partner of Ernest “The Cat” Miller.  I don’t want to get choked up, but I’m really excited to see Glacier in action one more time.  If he delivers a Cryonic Kick to anybody, even an already dead zombie, I think I’ll lose it.  Expect a review (and probably a recommendation) next week.

Secondary tagline: "Terror Floats Upstream."

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